Monday, August 11, 2008

sisterfiction

i wrote this a couple weeks ago for Emma on her 11th birthday, enjoy...




Once there lived two sisters twelve years apart in age. They were tall blue-eyed beasties with, more often than not, dirty feet and large smiles. Their enormous grins were both a blessing and a curse, for while their pearly chompers drew people toward them, they also sometimes revealed that they had recently been eating spinach, or pulled pork, or pineapples. This was a small burden, and the sisters rose above it gracefully.
In fact, one afternoon, at an R Picnic,
(Where all the foods began with the letter R), the sisters rose so high above the smattering of comments regarding a smidge of radicchio here and a morsel of romaine stuck there, that they fully levitated off the red picnic blanket and shot straight up into the ether.
The older sister gazed at the picnic attendees—a hodge-podge of local eccentrics, a few wing nuts, and a judge and doula for good measure- as they sank into the distance, and she sighed, “Mad Pierre was on the absolute verge of serving me some of his roasted rabbit. Wonder if they’ll save us some.”
The younger sister wondered if they would ever be in any condition to consume gamey carbons again, for their celestial ascent had begun to quicken headily. First their shoes dissolved, in a slightly ticklish, caressing fashion. Then their hair rolled out of the tight braids they had put them in before preparing ratatouille that morning. The younger one giggled, “I swear, my hair just sighed!”
It wasn’t just sighing, it was cooing and purring, charmed by the comets and galaxies flying by with an electric hiss. The younger on laughed, a fat mango slice of a chuckle, and somersaulted seven times with panache. The older one bent herself into a pretzel and cart wheeled blissfully. Below their slap happy smiles the world was a glowing green kiwi of life spinning slowly without much rhyme or reason. The sisters paused in their cosmic calisthenics to peer down at their earthly domain.
“What a weird world, Sissy,” squeaked the little one, for she was wise and astute. They simultaneously developed lumps in their throats contemplating the mysterious joys and tragedies of human life. From way up there they couldn’t help but notice how everything, every drop of sweat on a Haitain’s brow, every bus stop littered with wrappers of Atomic Fire Balls, every sigh of every tree, and every mothers’ warm dry palm are inexorably connected for all time. The sisters saw all this together and joined hands with a squeeze.
“There’s so much we can do, “ said the young one, who saw how opportunities lapped at every door like ravenous lions.
“There’s so much we must do,” said the old one, who saw all the places love can fill in.
“Too bad we had to be swept up to this great height to see it all.”
“If only we had a little red fish to lead us home again.”
The young one was about to express her mistrust in any little red fish as an intergalactic vehicle when, through the starry darkness, a smiling sunfish swam steadily toward them. His fins were golden and, while he was no spring chicken, he was beautiful beyond compare.
“Oh,” said the little one.
“Hello,” said the tall one.
“Shall we?” inquired the water creature, slippery with suavity. Not too slippery, however, for his back fin made a perfect handhold for the big sister, while the little one held onto her shoulders.
“How did you know?” she whispered, as they began their exhilarating plummet to Earth.
“Oh, sis,” the big one squealed over the cry of the rushing wind, “You know it too. You get what you ask for.”
Earth was now a life- size playground for animals and oceans and gods and men. They could almost smell the seaweed, the popcorn, the sneaker feet, and the morning breath. It was good to be home again. The rest was like riding a bike down hill with no hands on a muggy night in July.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

now now

i'm writing these words on the front porch of my new home new pines in central, minneapolis.
there's a black pitbull named Warhol next to me on the front steps, and my housemate Will is clacking away on a more genuine machine, a suitcase typewriter. Rosemary's trying to jimmy the lock on the mailbox.
Today was the warmest day yet, and though I spent the majority of it working inside the coffee shop, the heat of summer is tingling my toes and giving my bones some light.
from the soles of my feet, which ache from the cowboy boots i danced in on the treacherous basement floor of the Tardcore Compound, to the top of my head which is still crusty with pink gloppy paint. There's glitter in my underwear, and a sweet feeling of self-love rockin my socks.
Its been a good couple weeks back in Minneapolis, the best ever in fact.
A new scheme is brewing, that has nothing to do with England.
More with carpentry and ceramics, and Spanish lessons. Winter in Costa Rica.
I can feel myself making a conscious choice to be happy and sane, productive and true to myself.
This neighborhood feels like it has so much potential, so many opportunities. I wanna ride away from the sunrise every morning here, and wake up with a life to love. Can I get a hell yeah?

Friday, May 2, 2008

no, THAT's amore

{photo by Devin Asch, taken at the end of my old drive way on Big Eye}

glavanizing

gallavanting

goosebumps, gosh. serendipity super smooth. surly. bold brash ballsy. blase.

welcome wished would you like to

mouth mumble mimic moue

head butt beer breath

cigarette lips kiss slip tongue fun

jet lag



i dunno if this blog is going to get much more of my attention. it certainly has been lovely to write and read the responses here, but returning to minneapolis is an art form, and introspection is habitual and self-perpetuating. and outside is more fun than computer screens.

tonight amelia took me to a play-back theatre performance with some folks from a Theatre of the Oppressed group at MCTC. improv on the sidewalk in uptown, which is starved for some freaky raw love.

i'm at an impasse as to what'll happen in the fall, the rest of my life. so i'm going to create the most perfect situation and let it happen.

say what you love,

travel light and take nothing personally.
good night.




Sunday, April 27, 2008

sober is the new fucked up (again)

Last night I dreamt that I was fully and completely off the wagon, to the extent that I was blacking out entire evenings again. Failing to retain memories from adventures still fresh in my bones, absent in my mind. Unable to be accountable for things done or said. MIA in my own life.
The dream gave me a hang over, and I sneered out at the grey skies, all right, all ready. I get the picture.
I met this person a few nights ago and had awesome connection, conversation. you know when you're immediately able to trust a person, that instantaneous feeling of familiarity and attraction. The conversation turned to sobriety, which was surely an anomaly behind the pub we met at, and I told him, I've was sober from 4-20 last year to about the middle of march this year. Now you're drinking again he asked? and goddamn, but I don't have an answer to that. Did something happen that acted as a sign to me, yes you have this thing under control and you can drink now, and it doesn't matter and its not a waste of time?
No.
I was uninspired and depressed and in a foreign place where no one would remind me that my sobriety is one thing at least that I'm proud of.
Yikes. I feel almost obliged to write this here, to make my frame of mind accessible, because I want to understand. I want to know how the booze-y stuff works in my brain and body, and I want to know how you feel.
Is it unexamined in the vast majority? From 17 a beer in the hand is just Plain Old Normal, like a smile on your face, or a light on your bike. Does it make you question your perspective ever, or is that just the affliction of those who spend too much time inside their own heads? Are you thinking about what you're putting into your bodies?
More importantly, is it real?

“The bottom line is that (a) people are never perfect, but love can be, (b) that is the one and only way that the mediocre and vile can be transformed, and (c) doing that makes it that. We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love”
-Tom Robbins

Saturday, April 26, 2008

your feet smell like cheese puffs

oh, i love a good montage...
picnicking with my dad on fish and chips on the bowling green above Bishop's Castle- a small, laid-back village with steep hills and friendly folks, talking to a couple of hot air balloon pilots (drivers? captains? what's the correct title?), riding horses up at the Foxholes on a grey Friday morning, driving cross-country with my dad with ShugE's live in florida cassette singing in our ears, getting lost in the smooth green hills of the Welsh border, drinking my way through a few evenings of old friends, meeting a soft-eyed gardener in the dark courtyard behind a divey pub called "the vaults", rocking out to Jeff Grimes' band playing Sex Machine at their free gig before they continue on to London, getting tackled by gangs of small cousins with wild, crazed eyes, and incoherently adorable accents, serendipitous meeting with some sexy gipsies from Manchester sippin tea fireside at yee olde family farm house listening to my dad tell stories about coming to that place as a kid, carved above the fireplace : we're simple people here,we like it like that, we keep our heads down and don't no one come near less we want 'em.
philisophical blatherings with optimistic undertones, sunburn peeling, eyes burning from the hot hot love this screen delivers to me (sorry, spending too much time googling " merkin")
where the fuck am i going to get 60, 000 greasy green american dollars?
the hustle continues...

Monday, April 21, 2008

last day

this page isn't big enough, or i don't know enough polysyllabic words, to tell you how good it feels to be here. my hands aren't big or quick enough to draw you a picture on this screen of life here. i want to whisper it in your ear and leave you with a pistacchio gelato kiss-print and the smell of the sea in your hair. i want to tattoo this tale on the back of your arm so you need a mirror or a friend to read it. I want you to fall asleep in the sunshine and dream this dream I've been living, and wake up and tell me, ok.
my last few days in sicily were spent ducking baby Mediterranean waves, hitch hiking in big trucks and fast cars, climbing on ancient obelisks and crumbling castles at odd hours, doing ceramics with the kids of Calatafimi after school, walking in the sun forever. Running around under the fat fat moon, and fava beans are the most delicious thing recently. More pubs and driving around very fast at night. Learned how to say the most important word in Italiano: soletico (tickle). Explored the ancient temple and theatre of Segesta. Learned how to slow dance (i think). Rode on a motorbike, worked in a greenhouse, moved a HUGE pile of wood. Deflected the Italian machismo. Bam!
For a few days I put up with the increasingly greasy approaches of a man who worked on the farm. I overlooked his overt grossness, telling myself that he was my friend, it wasn't a big deal. One morning I'd had really bad dreams (that Seward was cemented over, randomly) and when I woke up he was at it again, "why didn't you come to sleep with me? what's the matter, you don't like men?" I suggested that he give it a rest. He said, "ohhh, in italy it is tradition for the men to joke about the sex with the women. bla bla bla"
so i say, "oh really? that's part of your culture? ok. let me tell you about part of my culture. when an old man makes bad jokes about sex to me i say fuck off. or in italian, va'fanculo."
This, apparently, is a good way to make a point.
Everyday for the last three weeks I have walked down a big hill to let the chickens out of their coop, then hiked back up. In the evening I would go down again and feed them and collect eggs. Climbing that hill never got any easier, but I got stronger. The chickens did not get any less freakily aggressive, but I got braver. Life is fucking amazing, if you let it be.
Right now I am enjoying the hospitality of my friend Francesco in Palermo. We just looked at his work, which is documenting the plants and animals of the nature reserve that I lived in for the past few weeks.
Tonight, to London.

ps, my pits are sunburned, baby.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

an essay

"you done good"
its official. you've paid you're 2o dollar membership fee to the good people of WWOOF, chosen a destination, and now you are waiting. Waiting, at an abandoned Sicilian train station, a sunny airport terminal, a gas station in North Cali. Your stomach is dizzy with anticipation. What will you new WWOOF host be like? Your mind races, but a complacent feeling of opptimism hypnotizes you. They arrive, usually in a dirty jeep or pick-up truck. Maybe they are sauve behind cat eye sunglasses, or borderline-psychotic with overactive facial features. They make you feel awesome, or they make you wish you were a karate master in a different time zone.
Sometimes it sucks a big one. You have to know that. Sometimes your sleeping bag gets peed on by an inbred, lice-ridden cat, with you in it. Sometimes your WWOOF host never acknowledges you. It happens that you have to make a daring escape, and it feels like the universe has disemboweled your naivete. Maybe you get cornered in a cabin by a shirtless farmer who just wants to give you a quick back rub before his wife gets home. Its creepy sometimes, and you're compelled to pack abruptly and climb over the back fence one fine Saturday morning. You know who you are and what's good for you, so you don't hesitate to go looking for it.
More often than not, you find it right off the bat. The perfect farm, a place to unwind and build calluses and breathe lots of clean air. Its sublime.
You stick your hands in the dirt and feel pure bliss. Baby tomato and basil plants make you feel like a mother or a magician. You put your back into it and your best face forward.
You get over your fear of chickens, the dark, huge insects and isolation. Maybe you start to get over yourself. You get sunburned, stoned, and sweaty. You get to use big tools with cool names. You watch the clouds drag their shadows over the contours of the valley and feel your heart as big as a watermelon inside you. You entertain fantasies of your eventual return home. Never again will you take for granted the luxuries of toilet paper, technology, running water, and the happy buzz of a busy life in the city. You write impassioned letters and experience hourly revelations.
Around the new people in your life you are shyer than usual. Social ineptness plagues you, and childhood recollections confirm your fear that yes, you ahve always been strange and unknowable. You get over it, and make friends wherever you can find them.
You play Texas hold-em on the porch when it rains with a 50-year old man as tan as a Cuban cigar. You escape the farm with a Hawaiian kid named Ezra and kayak in the ocean. You explore an underground pub in a seaside village in Sicily. You dance your ass off at drugged-out electronica parties.
Flying on mushrooms on one of said parties, dancing on stage with your leg brace, sweat and glitter, you are privy to the secretely emormous capacities of living each moment fully.
You form rock-solid friendships and get involved in the most convoluted seedy sex-things. You start/stop shaving your legs/ wearing underwear. It feels great!
Back at the ranch, you get word that a new WWOOFer is coming. Yipee! You dream of a wickedly devious co-conspirator, a new best friend, a fling. Somtimes its a sexy Canadian and you end up getting raspberry kefir slurped off your decolletage at a nude beach. Sometimes you just awkwardly take turns hitting the bong before going outside to work "in the hole" in silence.
If you are extraordinarily lucky you get a double whammy of North Carolina's finest, a couple of wise kids fresh from their cross country bike trip. Together you create the best improv slow jams known to man and the strongest ganja biscuits and of course your heart breaks a little when you go your separate ways.
Other times its a whole passel of surrogate sisters and the seven of you have hilarious hitch hiking adventures to and from the beach. "who could resist?" you say and giggle maniacally.
Oh, hitch hiking is mode of transportation du jour for the WWOOFer. Your thumb gains new respect and in a moment of unfathomable dorkiness you write a poem about it. It catches you rides on the backs of motorcycles and countless pick up trucks. Tourists pick you up for the novelty, locals pick you up out of good-natured habit, creeps pick you up cuz they can't help it. You learn that saying No to a sketchy ride produces a better rush than slamming a 40. You find that the least aggressive stance on the side of the road is a relaxed face, eyes focused on the yellow line down the middle, not making direct eye contact until they pull over.
You are given beers, pizza, a bitchin' dance mix, pears, joints, life stories, coconuts, chocolate, a Kahuna's blessing, adviece, incence, invitations to eat pastries, go swimming, and milk a cow, all for being foolhardy enough to ask for a ride. One time, at a truck stop in North Dakota, you are offered a live turkey.
You watch the sun set a couple hundred times, and you never get bored. Beyond the internal revolutions these experiences incite, you are making good ripples in the Big Bathtub. Don't that make you stand a little taller? You are helping an individual sustain their vision of organic farming, and you are manifesting the truth that We Can Trust One Another.
You feel like a scout, sent out to ascertain the truth that the world is a safe place. You are testing the waters bravely and finding that yes, it is safe to visit foreign places on next to no budget , leave your cell phone, and spend inordinate amounts of time alone, outside, or doing manual work. It'll make you honest yet.


www.wwoof.org

Things are lookin up. Thermal baths and circling hawks and new friends. love.