out of the depths

staying in tonight cos i have to write an essay on Medea for the University of Sussex. mostly i've been listening to Black Thorns on the internet and fidgeting. i'll slap some brain vomit on here and get back to it.
The house i'm staying at has a full-bodied taste, an intense ambience, a slightly unpleasant physical odour. There's a solid charm to it, as my large family of questionable (usually dead-on though) taste has been living there for the last 50+ years. There's a genetic memory in my blood of this house on Richmond Road. The front door is bright blue, and there are instruments everywhere. Due to my grandpa's fresh craziness, all the doors inside the house have Yale locks on them, to keep him from tearing up books. he seems fairly innocuous to me, mostly he lies in bed listening to Agatha Christie books on tape, or singing Polish National Anthems, but it breaks my heart cos the light's gone out. He was so brilliant a philosopher and teacher in his younger years, up until very recently, and now he's this broken man. He lies in bed in a room with a black wall and a crucifix hanging over his head. I've never seen someone die like that. Is that living? For how long could you go on like that, snorkeling through delirium?
My grandpa on the other side was lucid up until the very last hour of his life, even though he was physically demoralized. Is one worse than the other? Seeing someone you love in the same body and form, but their mind all twisted and dried up is tragic.
My dad's been taking shifts with my uncle More (his real name) taking care of my grandpa, giving him baths and making him meals and flipping over his books on tape cassette. Mostly my dad plays the piano and reads and goes for bike rides. He's pretty depressed about being old and unemployed and stuff, but doesn't talk about it. I want to make him feel better, find him some zest in his life here, and leave him better than I found him. I can feel my heart aching for people who have an over abundance of love and life in their lives. I radiate toward people with smiles the size of billboards and wiley eyebrows. Send me some of those.